Humans are incredible in that we can live every second of our lives under a microscope for the world to see yet there’s another life that we live that no one ever knows about and that is through what takes places in the confines of our imagination. It’s in this secret place of our minds that I believe one’s true morality is battle tested.

BEWARE OF HER

One of the things that used to really disturb me about romantic relationships is how a woman can be with you and not really be with you – meaning that, there’s really no telling where she stands with you on the inside – not through her words, not through the title you share, not through her deeds but through her mentality. 

I had a conversation with a woman where she mentioned that after about 20 years of marriage to a very good man who’s very supportive of her, her career and even the child that she had from her first marriage, she always felt that there is another man whom she was supposed to marry whom she actually grew up with.  So even though she’s built a life with her husband, her heart and mind was somewhere else. 

She mentioned that she was still very close friends with this man and that she was going to ask him the next time that they met up to hang out – why he never asked her to marry him? Ironically, because this man and her were so close, he actually gave her away to her husband in place of her father who had passed away.  

Another woman whom I had spent some time with several years ago and hadn’t talked to in a while disclosed to me that even though she had a man whom she had been in an on again off again relationship with and at this time they were back on – because she enjoyed the time that we shared so much she still wanted to come to my house and stay the night with me – perhaps as a last time memento, which I did not allow to happen.

Another woman whom I had been intimate with who became engaged to another man who loved her dearly mentioned to me that that if the timing of our lives would’ve been different, that her fiancé wouldn’t have stood a chance over me.

There was another woman that I had been spending time with who started a relationship with another man, but she still wanted to keep me around. She once showed up to my home unannounced and said verbatim: “Why can‘t I love two people?  I want to have my cake and it too.”   

There are few environments, or generally adhered to codes of conduct that allow for much of anything to at least feel sacred these days. Even when you look at women whom are in religious communities and have been groomed to live with a certain decency about themselves, it’s still tough to even find one who’s really living like that and not living a double life.  On social media, it’s difficult to see any distinguished manner of dress from a woman professing submission to a biblical doctrine for example and an escort.

The reason that I’m bringing these examples up is to introduce the importance of integrity – resisting dishonorableness and the implementation of principles in order to establish and maintain decency within our lives and within the communities that we participate in; and standing within our own uprightness is a huge stepping stone for being a self-respecting man, and for sharing in mutual respect within a brotherhood and also for looking after the women whom may be involved in our lives. While understanding that you can’t change a woman’s past or read her heart – if you want some semblance of trying to preserve something worth respecting between you and her – than there are a few things that I think you could consider that could assist you along the way.

Wherever we enter a relationship with a woman, I believe it is our duty to guide her and to protect and direct her, understanding that one of the most impactful types of protections that we can give her is the avoidance of her being left loosely to her own devices. I believe that a woman’s willingness to be cooperative by way of trusting in and respecting your prudent leadership within the relationship that you have proven to be qualified in, is important to even have a fighting chance of having something respectful with her.

BEWARE OF THEM

Give her the awareness of the danger of associating with other men. 

When I think about women whom I’ve interacted with from the workplace to social settings they will talk about everything under the sun and share their whole life you if you’re willing to listen to it.  Whether it’s a co-worker, a male friend or any other guy that gets to spend time with your woman, make sure that she is aware of the danger that any type of socializing with men can bring to your relationship with her. 

Many guys whom she works with get 8 hours a day or more to work on your woman and before shoe knows it, they will soon know many of her fears, her issues with you and even her most pleasurable preferences in the bedroom.  Men who haven’t even said anything sexual to her, flirty or complimentary can easily get to your woman over time, because she’s comfortable with these men since they’re not assertive with her. A lot of times the guy who don’t bring up sex or anything romantic are the one’s whom she’ll be the most curious about because she will view either their respectful restraint as being mysterious, sexy and something to conquer.  

As general rules of thumb, if it’s agreeable that she has them: male associates shouldn’t be contacting her after a certain hour nor should they be hanging out by themselves.

This is about principles more than anything, she should be demonstrating respect towards you if for nothing else, to not disgrace and embarrass you where other men know that they don’t really have to respect you. You know yourself when you think about your interactions with women who have significant others if you think that she clearly respects her man based on how she interacts with you.

Beware of how she conducts herself around other men. When a woman who respects you, she is going to be conscious of how she presents herself both online and in the general public and in more intimate settings. She should have awareness about how she comes across to other men. Even her conversations with co-workers and peers should not even lead one to think that she is accessible for anything intimate and those men should feel foolish about even speaking to her in ways that would be inappropriate considering her relationship or even if they don’t know of her being in one – the way in which she carries herself. If your woman is not a principled person, your relationship stands no chance. 

Don’t leave your woman around random men, especially at home such as when you’re having a service rendered. 

Think of the guy coming to cut the grass or hook up the internet, even if it’s just for a short period of time.  Not only are you leaving her in a situation where something can happen to her that can be unsafe for her, but your also making her an easy target for a man’s inclination to view her as easily accessible and for her to be in a tempting situation as well.

Ideally, if you reside together or if she lives alone but you can care for certain matters around the house on her behalf – she shouldn’t even be in the sight of another man in that situation. However, if she is around, she should not be in the same vicinity as him.

Don’t be a fool and think: ‘It’s only going to take him 10 minutes to do what he needs to do so it’s no big deal.’ That’s still plenty of time for something to happen between him and your woman, even if it’s simply exchanging information.  He might give her his business card knowing that he’s in the business of figuring out a way to pursue an encounter with your woman.

When I rendered service jobs in residences, there where always a number of women at home during the day that would talk to me at the door or in their backyards while I did my job with no husband or boyfriend around, dressed scantily. A woman seeing a man working hard and being polite to her, conversational and attentive on just the right day and at just the right time may be just the spark needed for a lot of women.      

Furthermore, don’t have your friends around the house when your woman is there, especially around intimate areas of the home.  They shouldn’t be hanging out in the bedroom that you share, sitting on your bed, while she’s walking around in leggings with a tank top or short shorts.  She should be damn near dressed like a nun when there’s a man around because we know that literally everything on a woman could be considered sexy from her head to her toes.  And when a man is already in a domain where she lives, that barrier of intimate space is now broken. She should pay attention to her body language, the way that she sits and even the fragrances and makeup that she may have on in that type of setting.

If you have 5 or more male friends that are around your girl socially on a regular basis or even if they have seen her online only, then there is a great likelihood that at least 1 of them has his eyes on her. 

I remember watching an interview recently about a singer and one of this singer’s peers was being interviewed and they were mentioned how they had known the singer and his than wife for quite a number of years and how one of the singer’s songs were written about her.  And this peer mentioned how he may a comment to the then wife f this singer along the lines of: ‘Damn girl you must got some god pussy for him to write a song like that about you.’  Now why would a man even fix his face to even say something like that about another man’s woman whom he considered himself on some level of association with.  Undoubtedly he’s interested.  No respect and no regard for the man or his woman. 

There waiting on something to happen to you so that they can get closer to her.  In the same way that a money hungry person looks forward to a person’s death when they know that their on the life insurance policy and that they’ll be loaded once they pass away, there are men, including those whom you consider your friends who look forward to being a source of comfort to your woman during a hard time, playing the hero so that they can have her. The men in your family are no exception to this reality either. When she’s in the kitchen cooking and your friend’s are sitting around smelling that good food that she’s making, they’re seeing that she was doing those things for you and they want that for themselves. 

Observe the speech and types of conversation that your friends have around your woman. He might make comments about sex or about his sexual desires around your woman but in a group setting.  He’ll even say things to other women who are friends with your woman knowing that they will relate these things back to her to arouse her curiosity. 

BEWARE OF YOU

 I believe that you are the most important person in this entire piece.  Why?  It’s because you know that you cannot control what anyone else does, you cannot control what anyone else thinks, you cannot read hearts, but you know that you can be totally responsible for yourself.  So what about you?  When you see one of your friend’s lady’s do you find yourself looking a bit longer than you need to look at her?  Do you find yourself trying to see if she has a wondering eye that’s looking your way? 

I want you to imagine one of your friends woman, whom you cannot help but find yourself noticing how attractive she is. Think about when you’re all going out for dinner and drinks. You notice her body, her ass, her breasts, her lips and eyes, those legs, that smile and the perfume she always wears. You even find yourself fantasizing about being in certain situations with her. You have even said to yourself: ‘I know she’s my friend’s wife/girlfriend and I wouldn’t do it, or at least I know that I shouldn’t do it but she is sexy.’ But you keep on looking and thinking about her. Now imagine that your friend is your blood brother and that his woman is your sister-in-law. 

Just like you’re sister in law is not blood but you know the shame and disgust that you would have within yourself for even looking at her in a certain way because you love your brother and she is like family to you and you would never want to hurt your bother and you want your brother and his lady to be as healthy as they possibly can be, that’s the way that you should view things with your friend and his woman. 

Will you feel guilt, disgust or shame for thinking of your friends lady if you viewed her as your sister-in-law? If you wouldn’t than you are not as fond of your friend as you should be. This is a noteworthy comparison because just like your sister in law isn’t related to you by blood, yet you view her as your sister, meaning you wouldn’t be saying or doing anything inappropriate around her and even dwelling on the thought of her as your brothers wife would trouble your conscious and you’d exercise the discipline of mind to not even do such out of dedication and loyalty to your brother in the privacy of you own mind. 

Now, if there’s even a remote chance of establishing a sense of brotherhood within your networks of Black men, than respecting him in this way and never wanting to do anything damaging to him would be of utmost importance to you. And nobody knows of the love that you have for him in this regard, except for you.          

Written By: Waymon Brown. Creator of theesquireproject.com. Email info@theesquireproject.com