In my original article, I gave a synopsis of many of the psychological dangers that are often faced by men with no children who get romantically involved with women who are single mothers, particularly when the father of that child or children is in that woman’s life in some capacity.

We went through several very realistic and common situations that often occur that leaves the childless Black man picking up his face after going through an emotional whirlwind with a single mother. In this video I wanted to dig into some more specific instances of hazards for the childless Black man to consider when dealing with a single mother.

Now, here it is you’ve worked hard to keep yourself on an overall solid path throughout life including making sure that you’re not bringing children into the world irresponsibly.  Do you deserve better than basing any portion of your life on another man’s legacy?

These scenes that you have in your head of getting along with the father of the child, showing him that he has nothing to be worried about in you being involved with his children, these pictures of dropping that child off to their father and the two of you shaking hands and being respectful while you and the woman whom your involved with have a peaceful and loving relationship why?  Why should that be part of the tale of you when you leave this earth? Could not that same respect and order that you want to have with her arrangement be assigned to you as a Black man of self-investment who completely runs the show due to making the sacrifices to be a spectacular version of yourself? Why does this woman deserve that? Are you not robbing a woman that you could mold from getting the best parts of you? Could this not be like how it is when a female gives her youth and best years to the men who weren’t worth anything instead of saving herself for the right man.  And you may think that you can shake off any bad experiences that you may have with her, but you still take a piece of that experience with you throughout life, which in turn robs you future relationship from a level of progress that you would have been able to attribute to it, and especially it could be robbing the future children that you may decide to have because, you have exhausted much of your energy and commitment to the outcome of anohter’s man’s pleasure – a man who is not your brother or one that you would consider to be a brother, and a child’s who’s upbringing you would be impelled to see after completely independent of dealing with the mother in any type of romantic way, where now your heart is wrapped up in it.  Wrapped up in business in which you do not belong in.

And I know you may love kids, but if a portion of you being involved with a single mother includes embracing the idea of being a positive influence to a child in their upbringing, then volunteering as a big brother, or at a daycare or working with your little cousins and nieces and nephews in your own family can give you plenty of work in the interim of you assessing to have or not to have your own children and you can do these things without having an involvement with the women emotionally. 

So, the big issue is in you realizing that you deserve a better situation than this.  Your decision is yours’s to make, but hopefully, you make a decision that puts you in the best situation for your own self-respect and wise use of time, energy and other resources. 

When you’re involved with a woman whose s a single mother, much more often than not, she will speak disparagingly about her child’s father.  She does this for two main reasons.  The first being that she wants to make you comfortable – and she does this by trying to plant into your mind that there’s nothing going on between her and the father or the fathers of her children; and that she has absolutely no interest in him or in them. 

Her absolute disinterest is what makes you believe that you can build a relationship with her as she presents herself as an emotionally unattached woman. She does this by painting a picture of the father of her child as being a devil in part – to make you feel more secure about the relationship between you and her. Now of curse, as we discussed in the first video, emotional detachment, even romantically is rarely if ever the case with a single mother, when the child is still small. Notice the imbalance in her as you have never heard her tell you any of the things that she did and still does like about her child’s father as she wants you to believe that he doesn’t stand a chance anymore.  She has all these complaints and yet, she stayed with him for those months or for those years didn’t she.     

The second reason that she speak poorly about the man is that she does not want to accept personal responsibility for her action in whom she’s decided to mate with, and to gain empathy – which when exhibited by you makes you a direct participant in the diseased matriarchal construct that exists specifically in Black America, which ultimately makes a woman always excused and never totally responsible or even in large part responsible for her decisions.

Now in my personal experience where there was deep emotional involvement with a single mother, everything that she ever told me about the father or the fathers of her children that was negative, I believed. She will give you example after example of his deeds and his ways that were vicious to her and or her child but very rarely if ever will she tell you what she did wrong.  If you think of all of the women whom you’ve dealt with that were single mother’s you could probably count on one hand the positives that these women in combination have said about the father of their child combined, yet you likely have countless bad descriptions and stories about him, stories that you internalize because of your liking of her and you love for her.  And of course, due to your emotions being involved, you accept what she says blindly even though she hasn’t substantiated anything and even though you’re getting only half of the story.  Can we truly be men of sound mind by believing what a woman tells us about another man’s character being true simply because of our connection with her? Would we not view it as an injustice if we were in a car accident with another driver and the police and insurance company only took their side of the story as to what happened – making themselves totally look like the victim and the responsible driver, when it could’ve very well been their fault, or at least half of their fault.  But our rates are going to go up because of only getting one side of the story. Would that be fair? And yet with all of these complaints, this is the same man that she spread her legs to, loved and let bust a raw nut in her too many times to remember, but somehow, she didn’t notice any of these unfavorable traits of his before she got pregnant.   this is the man that she decided to spread her legs to and bust a raw nut inside of. Now is it so that all these things that were so bad about him were never noticed before she got pregnant?

Now the impact that this has on you in hearing her harsh take on the man or the men whom she’s procreated with is that you then began to not only dislike this man, no, you now hate this man, and you don’t know anytime=thing about him.  You may have never even met him. But you hate this Black man, don’t you? A man that you may have found yourself forming a brotherhood with had you become acquainted under different circumstances. A man whose videos on YouTube you may have benefitted from. A man who may have been a great person to network with.  

In our first video we touched on how the childless Black man is often used as a  scapegoat to make the child’s fathers jealous, to show that she can move on to another man and do better than him – well the father of the child may also be being used by the woman that you love in some capacity to cover over her transgressions in poor decision making in whom she decided to mate with or perhaps even to cover over the fact that she was partly or largely responsible for messing the family up.  Because of course, she didn’t step out until he stepped out right? She didn’t do anything wrong in the relationship before he did it first right?

And now that you hate this man, guess what – he hates you too, another man whom he has little if any interaction with, because of her. Notice how two enemies are created due to one person for two vastly different reasons.  Your hatred of him due to tales of mistreatment by her, his hatred of you because of her moving on from him. True chaos.

This chaos leads to spills out to other areas of your life. Where now, his friends hate you and now you may have to watch your ack everywhere you go because you have inherited drama from him because of her.

This chaos spills out to other areas such as when she feels down because of an argument with him, then you must feel down. Now your day is bad because of her difficult day with another man.  When she feels bad for him, if something tragic happened, such as a death of one of his parents or him getting hurt or going to jail, now you must empathize with that too. You go along for the roller coaster ride with her over another man. This is why I said in the first video that if you’re going to be with her, then you might as well love him too. And I gave you the illustration of how putting yourself in this predicament, the president of her whirlwind of drama, puts you in the position of being her emotional cuckold. And as  man of self-investment, if an opportunity comes your way to pack up and move to another city where the bag is at, just sitting there waiting for you, not so fast- because you have to see if that’s going to work with her and her children’s father co=parenting arrangement.  So now the financial, social, and civic opportunities that you could be creating for yourself, your current loved ones, or perhaps your future offspring, comes to a halt, because your purpose is now based on her and that man’s purpose.

But we think this is acceptable. The reproach that we put on ourselves when we decide to put ourselves in situations like this as men of self-investment, we take a gamble on variable that we have no control over.    

We see a lot of movies and tv shows talking about cataclysmic occurrences in the world or a post -apocalyptic world where people must make decisions that they’ve never made before in order to survive.  And I’ve thought about that, and how realistic eventually those times will be. Even if it was something like a natural disaster since that’s much closer to home as something that many of us may anticipate happening anytime, especially depending on the region that we live in.  Now imagine that you’ve been with a woman who has a child for the last two years and you have built a life with her. Her kid is like your kid. You help her out with him in ways that the father does not or may not even be qualified to help her own child in. you’ve made a ton of lifestyle adjustments to make it work with you and her, you put a lot of effort into making this whole thing work and figuring it out because you love her so much and want to be with her.  Now imagine, a serious disaster takes place, leaving people without many utilities that they rely on for several months.  Some may not know here they’re going to get clean water from, how they’ll stay warm or even how long the canned goods will last. And you and your woman and her child are trying to preserve life like everyone else is. And you are getting re[ports that this severe state of emergency  that has caused people to lose touch with loved ones for several weeks or months to where they don’t know if they’re alive or not does not have a clear end as hard as the local and national governments, military forces and other personnel are working around the clock to find a solution to keep things at bay.  And you, your woman and her child are living in your home, with no lights or running water and a food supply that is scare and medical care being non-existent. If there was ever a time to play doctor it’s now. And by the day, you look at each other and don’t know if this is the last day that you’ll see each other but you’re holding on. One day, you leave to get some items to survive and along the way, you, your girl, and her child see the child’s father.  He’s in just as bad shape as you, he hasn’t eaten in days, hasn’t bathed properly in weeks. And you’re all gathered together standing there on the corner.  She hasn’t spoken to him during this whole time as the internet services haven’t been working in your area. And as the four of you stand there together, your woman is presented with two options. She can either keep on trying to survive with you or she can be with her family and make this trip with him. Who do you think has a moral obligation to as a mother in this situation? Which do you think will win? The preservation of an emotional romantic relationship or the instinctiveness of a biological connection?   

Written By: Waymon Brown. Creator of theesquireproject.com. Email info@theesquireproject.com