BLACK MEN AND DEPRESSION

As we evolved in this space where Black men are congregating and sharing their perspectives on life, many of us have come to realize that the life that we have always idealized for ourselves growing up is in many ways now an improbable and distant thought buried somewhere under the ocean’s floor.

For so many of us, we have been struggling with the grim realities of how life looks in the long run.

Some of us have become apprehensive and often starkly opposed to embracing many societal norms such as: getting married, having children or even in sharing in relationships at all.

Many of us have had a change in viewpoint in the realm of religion and spirituality, where once we may have looked at such as a foundation for governing our lives and now we must navigate in life with our own moral compass where we are both judge and jury in the cases of our daily affairs.

We have turned away from embracing many societal norms viewing them as unharmonious with our own principles.

We shun so many ways of the world, standing firmly in our own principles and we have become alienated and we have also alienated ourselves.

And when we gloss over the years f our past, a lot of us have always known that something wasn’t quite right about our living experience. We’ve never truly felt comfortable here.

When we see the smiling faces of associates, friends and family, we wonder what is there really to smile about when life constantly throws tragedy at us, constantly disappoints us and creates trouble for us; with it’s seemingly irremovable thorn in our side. Even when some days are better than others, even when some time periods are more fruitful than others, we still know that it’s only a matter of time before something goes wrong. This constant experience has led to vexation in our souls where we feel a tug-of- war of on our spirits: both pulling us in different directions -one into uncharted territories of the joyful possibilities that await pushing us to move into unchartered territories for the joyful new possibilities that can await and the other pulling us back to the grim realities that no matter how far we go, that no matter what we do, when it’s all said and done, we know that something about this place ultimately does not gel with our spirit because maybe we’re just one of those people who don’t belong here. We have never liked it much here as life plays this game with us of creating turmoil in our flesh like a sick sophomoric joke.

The bitterness that has accumulated from the pain and betrayals and the anguish are our most familiar and reliable companions.

We question the merit of our resiliency, knowing that anyone can push forward through devastation, but what are we pushing forward for? All for a composition of lessons, very taxing and expensive lessons that we could’ve done without to get to the moral of the story: yet even our attempts to avoid such experiences lessons will cost us in other ways.

Understanding that all that we we accumulate in this life means nothing once the lights go out for good and that we have no control over the monuments that we leave behind.

Sometimes we may think back to when our parents were our age and where they were in life. Perhaps when your parents were your current age, they already had you and at least another sibling, they may have owned a home, had been married and had probably already established themselves firmly in an occupation and had a host of friends and associates through their places of worship, career field, the neighborhood and other networks.

For some of us when we compare where our lives are now to where there’s was back then, in some instances we may determine that we are further along in some areas but in many cases, we feel dramatically behind.

Even when it comes to our peers whom we grew up with, they can also provide for us a firm reminder of the swift passing of time as we may examine how most of them have children by now, many times who are now adults. And we’re frequently asked about when we’re going to settle down and if we see parenthood on the horizon or is there at least a special someone in our life. And we may be aloof and casual in our response neither confirming nor denying much. And while we know that there is more to life than love, romance and having a family and while we may be proud of our personal progress financially, intellectually and within our estates – there is a tension on our hearts from time to time because we know that we don’t fit the mold of what is ultimately expected at this point in life by this society at large.

As we take a look into the future and particularly look at what the 6^th and 7^th decades of our lives and beyond and what that will look like, what that will feel like – we realize that in this season, life slows down and that this time will be upon us soon enough. And when we recall a memory from decades ago, at times, that memory may seem like it’s ancient history and at other times it feels like it wasn’t too long ago at all. And we determine that life can be long but time itself is short. And when we look at the Winter season of our life in the near enough future, we often envision ourselves in our own home by ourselves.

Maybe we see our home as a high rise condominium with oceanic views and where the horns, festivities and the seagulls on the Boulevard are our closest reminder of the life that we have avoided. Perhaps we have selected a small modest home with much less space then we can actually afford, but realizing that a much larger occupancy reminds us of the rooms that we never filled with warm memories in the flesh and they instead house our accomplishments of yesteryear and we realize that the excess space is like a big hole in our heart over what could have been filling that space had life turned out different for us. And in our backyards maybe in a modest home somewhere down South, we envision our yards graced with weeping willow trees where the sound of them swaying to and fro from the strong breeze right before the heavy rainstorm are like chimes to our life’s experience.

And we can’t help but wonder, how long does life allow for men who live in a state like this? The men that passed on the family gatherings over all the years. The men who heard of their birth of a new baby in the family but haven’t held them. The men who avoided the crowd and lived life through the seams.

And we sit back and wonder what life may have been like had we just taken a different chance. Had we just let our guard down a bit, knowing that unforeseen occurrences are burdensome and yet we would have something to show for our experiences even if they come with let downs.

As grim as the reality is, we realize that if we were to die tonight in our sleep that we may not be found for weeks or even months, not because no one knows where we live, but because we don’t truly belong in anyone’s circle, so the first sign of our demise might be by an employer who’s a bit concerned over the unusual stream of no-call- no-shows, leaving voicemail after voicemail, perhaps this is the first time our phone has rung in weeks besides from the bill collectors, solicitors or wrong numbers. The first sign of anyone knowing what has happened to us will be when the neighbor down he hall or across the street smells the reek of decaying flesh. And we wonder, how many people will even show up to the funeral and what will they say about us and we can envision life going on without us as if nothing much occurred.

You see no one knows about the sleepless nights of dealing with your problems on your own, those times when you had to call the suicide prevention hotline when you felt that you just couldn’t take it anymore. You didn’t have any one to turn to when you had to face the issue with the woman that did you in or the job loss that led to your entire savings being depleted or that friend that betrayed you like a Judas Iscariot over a small gain, or the health scare that you have knowing that you should get a few things checked out, but the thought of the bad news is enough to avoid knowing the truth. No one was there for you when you faced eviction. No one sees your heart of anger to seek revenge on those who infringed on your livelihood as the scene replays constantly in your mind. There is hope for the Black men who live in a state like.