There is so much content within Black Male media spaces centered around the dating game; how to sleep with women, how to get what you want from a woman without getting hurt in the process, essentially playing her before she plays you. 

But there is a sector of men that turn to us as media creators for assistance that I believe need to be addressed much more and those are the men who don’t want to have multiple women, they don’t want to play games, they never intended on having a roster-  these men sincerely have just wanted one beautiful woman who’s really into them and who is loyal to them in their life as a long term girlfriend or eventually as a wife. 

Likely they have been brought up to live under a formal moral code of conduct by their mother or father and they have grown up with the anticipation of building a family with a good woman.  These men might be considered late bloomers, as they weren’t necessarily dealing with a lot of females during their youth, they didn’t have girlfriends as young as middle school/junior high, high school or even college and as they are now experiencing different scenarios involving women and they are coming into the realization that the guidelines that they had been accustomed to abiding by when it comes to women have been severely ineffective now that they’re experiencing life in diverse settings. These brothers have been wanting to figure out why do bad things happen to them when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.  These men are typically speaking upstanding brothers.  Many of them are under the age of 35 and they’ve done the right things in life and they sincerely want to believe.  They want to believe in a loving relationship and in romance.  And if you’re one of these brothers than you have designed a large portion of your life towards being granted the gift of having your other half.  You have made it your aim to stay out of trouble, to keep a job, to be responsible and to share your heart with a woman that you can build a life with. 

While I won’t discourage any of your brothers from experiencing a woman’s love and intimacy, I do want to warn you and prepare you for some things that you may not see or even fathom when your heart is in it.   

When you think about growing up and going to school and how you would notice that pretty girl in class or the pretty girl in your neighborhood.  The one that has that beautiful smile.  The nice girl that everyone knows.  She always has her hair done and smells so good.  She always has on a cute nail polish and she may only say a few words to you but when she does it makes your heart skip a beat.  You couldn’t wait for swim class to see her body or for the Sumer so that you could see more skin.  Those beautiful toned legs.  That charming lip gloss that she wore.  She’s was your dream girl.    

Now this girl and the girls that she hung around seemed to always likes a certain kind of guy in class.  He likely had waves, always had a haircut and wore designer clothing.  Back in the day it was Tommy Hilfiger, Nautica, a Ralph Lauren Polo a pair of Timbs or Jordan’s and a First Down Coat.  He likely grew up comfortably and you can bet that he was probably by the end of high school or shortly thereafter.  He may have played basketball or football. This was the guy that all the girls wanted.  You would always here them talking about how fine he was and they would always compliment him as the handsome brother would smile and brush his hair over his wave cap with his earring glistening matching his bright grin.  He may have gotten into some trouble with the law early and he often became a dad early in life.  In fact, this was the guy that the pretty girl ended up getting with and having a baby by.       

Now maybe you always wanted this girl or a girl like her and you always wondered why they would never choose you.  Why couldn’t they ever notice you.  You’re a put together decent looking guy, you’re smart and funny and your very nice.  You would love to have a girlfriend like this, and you would love to build a world for this girl.  If she was in your life, you would be able to move mountains with her by your side and you would always treat her right.  But for some reason, they didn’t seem to notice you much. 

Now as you moved along in life and you looked around, you noticed that many of the people that you grew up with were having children and some of the fellas had live-in girlfriends and some got married. 

Maybe you had taken different females out and spent some time with a few and gotten to know them and perhaps you had some physical encounters, but you still felt relatively inexperienced.  And you try to keep your nose clean and stay busy, keep a check in your pocket every week or two but when you return home after a hard day there is a part of you that just wonders when will it by your turn.  When will it be your turn to experience love.  The type of love that you hear about in an R&B song.  When will it be your turn to experience the femininity, warmth and touch of an attractive woman who’s truly into you and who truly wants you?

When you want a women to be your true companion for life.

When you haven’t heard the words, I love you in so long if ever at all.When all you have been wanting is a soul mate.

When you want a true friendship with her.  Your best friend.

A friend who will put your best interests first and you for them the same.

A friend that you can share an unbreakable bond with.

A friend that truly wants to see you happy, while you both have the security of knowing that no matter what happens in life between the two of you – that you will always be apart of each other’s lives in a close capacity.  When you can play any role for each other that you need from each other.

When you want to know that you’ll always have a special place in her heart.

A closeness is what you want.  A true bond.

You want to know that you have each other’s back and that you’re down for each other for life.

And now you have finally crossed paths with her.  You met socially and have been into each other from the jump.  And despite your great conversations, little needs to be said because you can feel a special connection between the two of you. 

And as you get to know her every day you both open up to each other more and more. And now you don’t want this to end because everything that you had been wishing for and wanting is in front of you now. 

Could it be divine?  Could it be that you were sent to each other to complete each other that you were supposed to meet and share love?

And you want a part of her that no man has ever chartered before. 

You want her whole heart even more than you want her body. 

You want her to be all yours.  You want the exclusivity of her interest and attraction. 

You want to know all of her secrets and all of her fears.  You want her vulnerability. And you want to be vulnerable with her as well.

And when she assure you that she is not going anywhere and she is blessed to have you in her life.  When she tells you that she will never leave you because she knows that you were sent to her for a reason.

She is your angel and you love her.

My dear brothers how I feel for you, because I have been here.  And the reason that I feel for you is that you simply cannot see certain things when your heart is all the way in it. 

The Desire for Intimacy

The desire for her intimacy

 Her most intimate parts

 To know her canvas

 From the crown of her head to the soles of her feet

 The girl inside to the woman she has become

 Her spirit to take full possession of

 Her mind and her heart

 Her essence, her core

 To implant into her my wisdom and love

 Cherishing every piece of her

Reflecting as I’m sitting here

On how I wanted her to know I was there

How I wanted her to see me

The full vision

Of a man destroyed and rebuilt

More than once

More than a few times

Shattered glass

But these pieces became a work of art

All in the universal plan

To show her a better way

To be heaven sent

To be a godsend

An answer to her prayers from the Creator

To make everything right

Even when she didn’t see the wrong

Her details were for me to notice, as I always did

Her forehead was where my kisses belonged

As I looked into the window of her soul

Of frosted glass full of fog

Where I left a fingerprint

Hoping the warmth would give me a glimpse of the picture inside

Her face, my precious gift

Not to be tainted with the semen of 1,000 men

But she is already taken

In more ways than one

The signatures on her soul that were left long ago

Those broad cursive strokes

Taking up the page

Letting me know that they were there

That they are here

That they will be

With more to come

Where titles turn into crumbs

For she is possesed

I saw a space to squeeze my initials

On the last line

In a tight corner

With barely any room, no not for me

Not reserved for me as this depth of her canal was not made by me

I saw a space

To care for her until the end of time

To guide her through tribulation

To protect her

To exchange my life for her’s

Discovering that she was a stranger

So my initials would eventually fade

As she seeks out what she wants

While I had what she needed

Now it is too late for us to be of one mind

Of one flesh

One spirit and one body

Where her neck is my appetizer after midnight

 Her navel is my cup

Her collarbone waiting for my affection

Her lips to warm my neck

On those coldest nights

And in the midst of those Summer days

The cold bitterness of Winter will be present

I wanted her to return back

But she is not welcomed

Now my door is closed

The entrance is sealed

A once welcomed companion cannot trespass on my heart

God makes no mistakes

God sends lessons as well

And mine has be learned

In more ways than one

To blend

To melt

To be one

Exceeding the physical

 Where love is still made at a distance

Though love was never made

That connection of two spirits that is unbreakable

Powerful, but now corrupted

Returning back to the dust

From which our matter was created

As I ask for god’s blessings upon a new generation

To give them a chance to have what I did not

What we did not

But she always will

In some form

For her heart is spread

Her mind divided

Where only a small sum remained for me

As I saw something sacred for us

Between us

But the blessing was to be a godsend to myself

A gift that can’t be taken back

Where there is no division

No bits and pieces

So I write with broader strokes

On my own spirit

First, middle, last and suffix

With plenty of room that was made by me

Made for me

With all of this love in abundance

To be shared

As fear and love cannot share the same pillow

But if only she would have seen me 

If only she knew

If only she cared enough

If only she would have let me in

But that seal upon her heart

From pain endured

Playing defense

Hiding her face from me

Her innermost parts

Hiding herself from the one she loved

The one she could never love

As those spirits within her veins

And those men still within her womb

For a lifetime

If only she…

If only I would have loved myself enough

To say enough is enough

Of getting caught in the crossfire

Walking into bullets

To be her hero

And still tossed away

Trekking through hell to help her get to heaven

If only sooner than later

But here I stand

Unbreakable, once broken

Rebuilt with the wisdom to know that love of self is the only true love that I can call my own.

Written By: Waymon Brown. Creator of theesquireproject.com. Email info@theesquireproject.com