This is a continuation of a conversation that we started earlier in: A Message to the Love Deprived Black Man. Previously, we explored the mind of the Black man who longs for a loving relationship.

We examined how even after you think you’ve found someone special, you’re often met with the disappointing realization that it’s too late to share a sacred tie with her because of all of her experiences that she has had well before you. We accepted that when it’s all said and done, the most reliable love is the harmony that can be had within one’s self. 

But of course, that’s tough to hear when you feel love deprived. As in the first article, I won’t discourage you from entertaining the desire to experience a woman’s love but I want to give you some considerations that can serve as protections.

A Few Thoughts

The first thing that I want to say is that in and of itself, wanting to share in a loving relationship with a woman can be a wonderful thing.  I myself am a lover, and a very romantic man.  I am from time to time even after accepting the realty of this climate that they we live in a bit saddened that I must put limits on expressing and experiencing the full range of emotion that I would want to have with a woman because of realizing that it will never be the way that I would want it to be.  So my emotions must be kept in check. And therein lies the problem. 

The Trouble With Romanticists

We as men who are lovers lead ourselves down a deceptive trail because romance is indeed idealization. Romantic love is an idealized view of reality. We have created this picturesque state of what we want. As romanticists, we find ourselves idealizing many things in life. 

When it comes it comes to wanting children for example, many times when you picture being a parent if you don’t have children already, you probably envision being a parent to a baby or a very small child when they’re in their most docile and lovable states. When they’re cooperative and playful and cute and want to cling to you and when everything you do is charming to them. I’ve heard people say: ‘I want a boy or, I want a girl,’ but I’ve never heard a person say: “I want a teenager.” 

Many people don’t consider what it really takes to start a family and to maintain that family the whole way through. People don’t always consider the trials of raising a child into adulthood and going through disheartening phases where the child ends up as a drug addict, a slothful individual or a menace to society even after all of your hard work and effort and teachings.  And even when forecasting the rearing of a child into adulthood, you can romanticize the hard times where after a good heart to heart or other discipline, at the end, the child will straighten up, say: “Thanks dad,” and get their act together as if life is a sitcom with dramatic episodes. 

Knowing Yourself

So that brings us into one of the main points of this lesson which is: Are you prepared for all that receiving her love entails? Are you prepared for when she goes astray from you despite your sincerity, care, passion and desire for her? Can you face the realities realities of a woman vowing to love you one day and then a few years later deciding to opt out due to irreconcilable differences?

Your unpreparedness is what leads to your calamity.

The man of much heartbreak who was once enthusiastic and full of faith in the possibility of love becomes like a soldier with lacerations on his body, with the pain of enduring combat seeping through his veins and the residue of war haunting him for a lifetime.

Let me tell you about the land mines that are out there that you have to be careful of navigating your way through the darkness. The first is being aware of the types of circumstances involving women that must be totally avoided.

Meeting Women and Nightclubs & Bars

I don’t care about how many success stories you’ve heard about couples who met at nightclubs. This is typically a bad setting for a love deprived man.

It looks as though she’s just there to enjoy a night out with friends, but these women usually have a heavy rotation of male attention. 

We have to be honest with ourselves.  When you meet women in this environment, understand that their lifestyles are out of the comfort range of your emotional temperament. 

Women in nightclubs relish in the idea of constant male attention and sexual opportunities. These women are community property. I’m not saying that a decent woman can’t occasionally go out to spend time with her friends but this is not the environment to risk it trying to find something more meaningful.

Love Deprived Black Men Should Avoid Strip Clubs

The other type of woman that you need to avoid altogether with no exceptions are strippers. This needs to be addressed as this is a real problem that is not often talked about among Black men.

Frequenting the strip is particularly harmful when you feel love deprived.  

When you’re lonely and crave a woman’s touch and want companionship, the strip club provides a false sense of reality that accommodates all of those things at once. These women specialize in deceiving men. 

Here’s a how getting involved with a stripper often works.

Let’s say you want to get out the house, so you go to a strip club to grab a drink and be around some beautiful women.  One dancer catches your eye and you strike up a conversation with her. She doesn’t seem like she’s trying to hustle you or that she really wants anything from you. After awhile, it appears that she’s sincerely enjoying your company.  

You both want to keep in touch and are interested in seeing each other in a normal setting. Then you exchange numbers and you even get her real name. As you start talking to her more and texting, it’s just like meeting a woman in other environments. She’s working on getting back in school, she’s dealing with a lot of personal issues and she’s expressing to you how she wants out of this type of job and that it’s only temporary. You get to know her more and you start to really like her.  

How the Love Deprived Black Man Falls Astray with Strippers

It starts off with you going to see her every week or so. Then it turns into you getting jealous of her interactions with other men. After awhile, you can’t go see her in the club environment because you’ve developed feelings for her and hate what she does now. At this point you become hopeful that she will get out of this business. If she does, you convince yourself that you could put all of her background behind you and continue with the next phase.

Think about the mindset of a woman who’s job requires her to allow men from off the street to have a access to her body for money. There is nothing sacred about being involved with a woman like this. Because you developed feelings for her, you’ll start to justify why you should accept her lifestyle.

So you begin minimize the severity of what she’s doing and who she doing it with in the middle of the night.

Do not be a fool! KEEP AWAY! 

Ideally, it’s wise to avoid this environment altogether in a love deprived state, but if you happened to go, take a couple of friends. You need people around you to talk some sense into your head. 

You have absolutely no place dealing with a woman like this.

Social Media Vixens Cater to Love Deprived Men

The Instagram model type should also be avoided. She’s telling other men that she’s open for business by promoting her sexuality for attention and money.

These days, women can make money off of anything from entertaining men’s fetishes to much more graphic entertainment. These women will try to get you to reason that it shouldn’t be a problem if she’s not having physical interactions with these men.

Do not take these women seriously. Never commit to them or be exclusive with them if you even associate much at all.

Further Warning

The other type of woman to avoid is the single mother.  Stay all the way on the other side of the world from her. Mostly because she gives you the feel of a bond with her through the plug and play ready made family that she brings to the table. You will find yourself in a delusional heartbreaking roller coaster ride of involvement with her as well.

Check Out Designing the Unstoppable Black Man: A Personal Achievement Guide for the Everyday Black Man

Written By: Waymon Brown. Creator of theesquireproject.com. Email info@theesquireproject.com