The Black man approaching middle age has a grand opportunity to shape his life in a new direction, but he must give himself permission to succeed.

For brothers who are in what is considered halftime in life: 30s-50’s, we get daily reminders of the brevity of time. 5 and 10 year increments can go by like nothing.

As time fly’s by, we start to question the value of life. We sit back with overwhelm over the future. We settle for life happening to us instead of being something that we make happen for us.   

Do you know why it feels like time is going by so quickly though? Because unlike when we we’re younger, we don’t have many graduation points as we age.

Approaching Middle Age Means Being Honest

When we were young, we looked forward to getting to another level. School was ultimately our measuring stick.  We had to demonstrate the competency to move to the next grade.  The desks were only so big in 1st grade because they weren’t meant for us to fit into them by the time we got a mustache.

The reason that men approaching middle age have what is known as the mid-life crisis is because they don’t have many checkpoints that they feel impelled to reach.  There’s no embarrassment being stuck in the same routine year after year. It’s acceptable to make the same money year after year as long as you can pay your bills. No one challenges you for not learning a new set of skills. If you handle things amateurishly the same way that you did decades ago, who’s going to make you to change?

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Could’ve, Would’ve, Should’ve

In the mid 2000s I wanted to move to Portland Oregon.  I took a road trip out there with high hopes of starting a home based business while working a factory job. I was working with a leasing agent to get an apartment and when I got back home to Buffalo a few weeks after my trip I followed up with her. Unfortunately, I got discouraged because the woman dismissed our meeting just weeks earlier as something that never happened. I ended up not moving to Portland.

After that, I basically gave up on that idea. I told my parents that it wasn’t quite time for me to move there and that I should give it another year. Eventually I postponed the idea until it became a distant thought. I always wondered what my life would’ve been like had I not been stuck on that one person being part of the answer to my dream. This is known as the Law of Diminishing Intent.

Taking a Moment to Look to the Future

And this where you can find yourself as you’re approaching middle age. There are a lot of what if’s hanging out there. But the more important question now is: what next? If you think back to some of your earliest memories, what if you have at least that much more time to affix to your life to go?

Age gives you the gift of distant memories and you can project your future with certainty with the right outlook.

New Horizons for Men Approaching Middle Age

Break down each day over all of your years ahead and dedicate yourself to giving it an Honor’s student effort. You will start to look at time like you look at young people who have forever and day. There are so many things that you haven’t even gotten to yet. Get some good nervousness in your system. Not the type of nervousness that stresses you out, but they type of nervousness where you feel pressured to perform within a time limit. Similar to how you would feel nervous before taking an exam in school, realizing that failure would be embarrassing and missing out on life with your peers and a delay in your next achievement. 

It’s imperative that you be about that business of crafting your life.  It is not uncommon for a Black man approaching middle age to have no children. You still have time to do that if you want.  There’s time for you to have the experience of being a home owner. You still have time to explore continents. Have you thought about moving to a new city? Go try it out for a few years. Give yourself the college experience of learning and adventure in a place far away from home.

It’s Never too Late

Say what you will about Trump, but the man became president at age 70. This was an entirely different career path than being a real estate tycoon and businessman.  You’ve seen older men who had their careers and decide to come out of retirement.  They get up at 6 a.m. and have their wife pack a lunch for them. They get to their job a half hour before their shift. Often they’ll work in a role where they’re more of an advisor to someone else taking a lead role. They’ve found their lane and it comes at the perfect time for where they are in life. 

They have a better understanding of people and social matters more than they did when they were younger. Though they can easily just sit back and watch their latter years disappear on a beach, they still want to be engaged in life.  But now the work is not stressful because they can practice a vocation – a true calling.  The goal shouldn’t be to stop laboring.  Did you forget about your hobbies and interests like: playing basketball, building model trains, studying astronomy, restoring cars and farming.

As you’re approaching middle age – don’t forgot that life is waiting for you.    

Written By: Waymon Brown. Creator of theesquireproject.com. Email info@theesquireproject.com