Men are obsessed with the idea of their woman having a low body count. I have some bad news in case you think you found something special.

No man expects to get a virgin these days among typical modern women so they look for what they believe is the next best thing: a woman with very few sexual partners.

Men believe that fewer partners means a much greater chance of creating a special bond with a woman.

In fact, most men would think that they hit the lottery if they found an attractive woman around 25 years old who can still count all of her partners on one hand. This plays right into the Black man’s general value system around getting a good second hand deal.

Most Black men look for used luxury car ads that read something like this: excellent condition, well maintained, loaded, low miles, 1 owner. We cross our fingers of running into the older gentleman who garage kept the car that we always wanted having an accident free joy ride. The cherry on top is them telling us that all they did was drive it to church and to run errands.

And that’s where a lot of guys will stumble upon a woman with a low body and think that they’ve found a great deal.

Bigger Issues Under the Hood Than Her Low Body Count

But the issue is that the Carfax can’t show you everything and that is: the unreported emotional and intimate wear and tear.

Think about what the influence of just 1 man can do. The right man. That man whom she gave it all to.  The one whom she told herself that she will never give of herself to another man like that again, because it was such an emotional strain on her from loving so hard. This is the man who truly owned her – mind body and soul.  She learned everything about love and sex from this man.  She will always find a way to compare you to this man.

Whatever used to turn him on in the bedroom she tries to use on you because she gained her sexual confidence with that lover. But despite just 1 because men foolishly are so concerned with her low body count they take comfort to hear a woman say: “I can still count all of my guys on one hand.”

It only takes one man to get that part of her that you will never have for as long as you live and no matter what you do to get close to her.

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Tales From the Heart

One woman told me that she had a boyfriend who passed away about 10 years before our conversation. Despite so much time passing by and multiple relationships she knew that she never gave of herself again to any other man the way that she did in that relationship. This included the man whom she ended up having her one and only child with afterwards. 

This woman said that she was in love with her child’s father but she knew that she couldn’t love him as deeply as her deceased boyfriend. She expressed how she always felt regret that the deceased boyfriend wasn’t the one whom she had her child with.

This was such a deep issue that this woman was obsessed with the deceased boyfriend’s surviving daughter who came before their relationship. She felt conflicted because she felt love for this child even more than her own because because that child was a reflection of her deceased love. The relatives of the deceased man would tell her over the years that they wish she would’ve been the mother of his child as well because the two of them made the perfect match.

Competing For Her Heart From The Grave…

As she internalized this idea over the years, she spoke a very uncanny experience. She never got a chance to get closure about her boyfriends sudden death and had just spoke with him hours before his passing, but she prayed that one day she would get a chance to say goodbye.

One night as she laid in her bed a very surreal occurrence took place. She saw her deceased boyfriend enter her bedroom looking just like she remembered him. He sat next to her on the bed and stroked her hair and told her that everything was going to be ok. The form of this man told her and that he was safe and that he loved her and missed her and that he just wants her to be happy. She then said that this man kissed her and walked away into the darkness. Finally she had permission to love another man again.

This woman had keepsakes and mementos from her and this deceased man’s relationship. When new men would enter her life, she would get into fierce arguments with them over these items that she was so unexplainably attached to.

Her Low Body Count Should Not Be Your Comfort

A lot of men believe that if they can just get a clean slate with a woman where there’s no interference from any other active man that they can build something sacred with her. Men can be idealists about love and relationships since we just want a safe space to let go and love the right woman with our everything. The problem is that she can only give you particles of herself.

Even if you’re only her second or third love, your presence will not trump the power of her memories. Even if she could, she doesn’t want to let them go. Think of all the little reminders that women keep around of previous relationships that you just don’t know about yet that she wants to still have close to her heart. The pictures, the old text messages, the jewelry that she wears on her body from other men. She must hold on to a representation of all of her past loves.

You’re so concerned with her low body count without paying attention to the fact that by the time she gets to you in life, it’s too late to share anything special.

Think of This

Some owners of used luxury cars report that everything seemed so promising when they first bought the car and gave it a thorough inspection. But once they took the car home like magic, they started to have one problem after another.

Every other month it seems that they’re in the shop for something else. A squeak, a rattle, a thump. But you see that previous owner didn’t tell the full story of his relationship with breaking that car in. He knew how to drive it. The first owner knew how to handle it. They knew how to stay on top of it. Every little detail was his to find out. Things that will only leave you scratching your head wondering what else you haven’t discovered yet.

Written By: Waymon Brown. Creator of theesquireproject.com. Email info@theesquireproject.com